Codependent relationships happen when people irrationally disregard their personal needs and desires for the sake of their partners. This kind of relationship is very unhealthy and exhausting to maintain because it only leads to trust issues and long-term resentments.
Codependent is a funny thing. Besides the depression the anxiety and heartache
When I was younger I avoided any kind of boyfriend girlfriend relationship because I knew I would feel so bad breaking up with her, I probably would have kept dating her until she broke up with me or if I faked my own death. I would just have turned into a jerk to get her to break up with me, but I would feel bad about that too.
I also feel so bad it makes me sick to leave a garage sale without buying anything especially if the owner is out there. I would either buy something cheap or get the hell out of their when they weren’t looking. I wouldn’t want them to think they had bad stuff.
Codependent is exhausting
Of course, the 2 examples are minor, a tip of the iceberg. There is still the dark part that lurks below the surface.
My therapist use to ask me if I thought I was a nice person. I thought about it, and was like man I been really nice to you. I told him I thought I was nice person, I was nice to everybody even if they weren’t nice to me. He told me I wasn’t a nice person. I thought this was some kind of crazy test. He told me I was mean, I treated myself like dirt. I cared for every other person except for myself. He likened to my personality as a priest or a martyr.
I was thinking, wouldn’t that be a good thing to put other people before myself? Wouldn’t that make me a selfish person if I thought of myself?
– Having difficulty making decisions in a relationship
– Having difficulty identifying your feelings
– Having difficulty communicating in a relationship
– Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself
– Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem
– Fears of abandonment or an obsessive need for approval
– An unhealthy dependence on relationships, even at your own cost
– An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
- Feeling unappreciated, angry, and resentful, but also afraid of retaliation if you stop “rescuing” or taking care of the other individual.
- Difficulties with setting appropriate limits or boundaries in the relationship.
- Putting the needs of others before your own.
- Being overly protective and taking on all responsibility for your partner or loved one.
- Minimizing or denying the problem.
- Having poor communication skills, especially regarding the problem and/or your emotions
Number 1 thing to do is talk to a mental health provider to help rebuild your sense of self and realize why you rely so much on the other person.
Not all codependent relationships turn bitter, there needs to be clear communication of thoughts. If you are seeing a therapist on the codependent, then take your partner with you on a session to let the therapist explain your condition. Others might have no idea of what is going on, or even what being codependent means. So, couples therapy would be the next step to one on one therapy.
Being in codependent relationships can lead to isolation, stay connected to friends and family. Don’t be afraid to have relationships just because of your tendency for them to end in codependency. All of my relations with other people always seem to be in danger of being codependent.
Don’t overthink, try to control it. I overthink every situation in to if it would make somebody mad somehow or if it would hurt them. I would turn to lying, which would lead to more anxiety and if you are caught in that lie it makes things even worse. I would be leading myself straight into a pit of quicksand.
Focus on self-growth.
Codependent restricts your life. Your decisions in life are often compromised because you are forced to prioritize your relationship more than anything else. Sadly, this mentality only hampers your ability to move forward. It handicaps your thinking as well as your decisions.
Do not feel guilty about putting yourself first. You need to improve yourself for you and for others. It’s kind of like when a plane is going down, and you always put your oxygen mask on first so you can help the individually next to you if they are unable. When you have yourself at 100% it is better for everybody else around you as well as your own happiness.
Make sure that you bring back time for yourself. This isn’t wrong and it’s surely not selfish. You need to do this for sanity and a well-balanced life.
We can be superheroes
Deep in the heart of a codependent person is a kind and generous soul. Your super power is a desire to ease everybody’s suffering but your own. It is uncomfortable and gut wrenching when someone you know is hurting or angry. You want to be able to transfer that hurting on to yourself so they don’t have to feel that anymore. You would do it to everyone you know until your body becomes over loaded and you just explode.
Your kryptonite is not being able to say no or set boundaries. You need to be the hero people deserve, not what you deserve right? You are PEOPLE PLEASER MAN and wear a cowl of happiness and eagerness to please, but underneath you are just a mortal in pain and exhausted. You don’t ask for help for the things that bring you trouble because you don’t want to put anybody out, but if the other person has a problem even if not as serious as yours, you are there at the first signal in the sky. You are a superhero without the glory.
Superman has no limits, we do. We need to be honest to ourselves and other people of what those limits are. Your physical health waivers, family get lost, and leisure time is disregarded as off limits to you when you have to be everything to everyone. All of this suffocates your being and intense your levels of stress mentally and physically.